Losing Our Cool With Impulsive Kids

As adults we sometimes take it personally when a child appears to repeat the same behavior multiple times regardless of repeated prompts, reprimands, redirection, and encouragement.

I can hear Mufasa saying, "You deliberately disobeyed me."

Here's the scene...  A teacher is in front of a class of kindergarteners beginning a well-planned lesson.  She is smiling and exuding love and compassion to each little mind as she hits her key points and shows colorful examples on the SmartBoard.  There is a child that is deliberately seated in the front row on the carpet due to his inclination towards distraction and disruption.  Even though this child may take a little more attention from the teacher than the others, this interaction has built a sweet bond between them.  He starts tapping on the floor with a marker as he becomes more engrossed in her lesson.

She stops, looks at the child, and politely requests for him to stop tapping.

He stops.

Two minutes later he becomes lost in the picture on the SmartBoard and the marker starts tapping again.  

The teacher looks at him disappointed and asks him more directly to stop.

He stops.

The child turns to his neighbor to share ideas about the subject as instructed by his teacher, and the marker starts tapping again.

This time the teacher is escalated and takes the marker away in a huff.  She uses sharp eyes and an even sharper tongue.  She does this partly to get her point across and partly out of anger.  The child is probably told to clip down on the classroom level system, and a downward spiral for both the child and teacher will likely begin.

How come the child looked so shocked when the teacher snaped?

The surprise and sometimes fear on this little face is what I want to discuss today.

The teacher wonders how the child could have the nerve to act surprised.  She gave him three chances.  She prompted him in a concise, one-sentence prompt like she was taught.  He must be deliberately disobeying her, right?  Is it malicious behavior?

One cool thing about my job is working in schools with the teachers and staff.  These inspiring men and women have a huge impact on the children that I counsel.  They teach with passion, grace, and compassion that I admire.  However, even the best teachers have a breaking point.  I have personally noticed that it is the teachers that care the most are suseptable to this frustration.  They want to make a difference.  They want to get through to "that kid" who others may give up on.  I hear these concerns daily...

"We were not trained to deal with these issues."

"He hates me.  He won't listen to me."

"He wasn't listening, and I lost my cool.  I feel terrible, but how else is he going to learn?"

"But seriously, Jessica, what can I do??!!"

"I'm at my wit's end.  Nothing is working."

At the annoyance of my audience, my answer is too often, "it depends."  Solutions have to be individualized and in line with achievable goals of the teacher, student, administration and family.  I love working with teachers to make steps to improve quality of life and learning environment for all parties.

Today, however, I want to solely concentrate on what we as adults have total control over.  Ourselves.  I have been using my hands to explain this concept for years until now, and now have created the picture below to hopefully communicate this idea in a visual way for this medium.

 

The orange line represents the child.  The child is going about their day on their baseline.  All of the sudden, he is redirected by an adult.  Oops.  This is what the spike is intended to represent.  He makes an adjustment to his behavior and goes back to baseline.  This line could represent four similar offenses or four unrelated ones.  The length could represent the duration of an hour or a day.  For the child's line and for this example, these variables are irrelevant.

The yellow line represents the adult in our scenario.  Each time the adult has to redirect the child, her frustration spikes.  Often times, the spikes build until we "lose it" with the child.  The hot pink scribbly sunshine is meant to signify this.

As you can see, the adult is escalated to a vey different place than the child.  The child is shocked by the adult's response.  The look of terror on his little face may immediately evoke empathy and guilt from the adult.  The child may be wondering what was different about THIS time.  Has my teacher lost her mind?

Um... Perhaps, but that post is for another day ;)

As adults we need to realize that children do not escalate in the same manner that we do.  If their behavior is not malicious, it is likely that it is not despite you.

How many spikes does it take before you lose it with your students or your own kids at home?

What is the duration of your build up?

Do you recognize when you are becoming escalated?

Is your reaction to the last offense warranted?

Do you feel that when you "lose it" that you are best representing yourself as the teacher or parent that you are or wish to be?

What could you do to improve in one of these areas?

There are two broad benefits to improving your patience with children.  First, it decreases unwarranted anger towards the child and increases feelings of consistency and safety. Second, it improves your mental health and ability to function.  In turn, this will improve your awareness to guide their behavior in a way that you are proud of.

Only with a calm heart can you be your best self.

Let's do ourselves and our kids a favor and try to match their rhythm.  Let us try to mirror THEIR baseline.

Thank you for reading.
Try to give your undivided attention to another today.

Back in Black

It has been well over a year since my last post.  This is not one of those posts about “Oh, I’m so sorry that I have been so busy.”  Nope.  That is not this.  I had a really tough year.  I thought about coming back to my blog multiple times, but I did not feel like I was ready.  I like to blog when I’m in tune with my work and myself.  I like to blog when I feel excited and inspired.  I knew I would come back to it at some point. 

I guess that today is that day.  I actually feel a little bit like celebrating as I am writing this!

In the past year I became divorced, I became a single mom, I moved, I traveled a ton, I read a ton, I wrote a book, I met some amazing people, I started art journaling, I learned how to distance myself from unhealthy relationships, I worked hard, I took a lot of pictures that I will treasure for a lifetime, I got into the whole “minimalist” thing, I increased my generosity, I bought a hammock, I expanded my yoga practice, I started Spanish classes again, I started running outside, I have been painting again, I decided not to be “busy” so I can say “YES” to anything I choose (or no!), I have made wellness a focus of my family, I take time for myself, I tell it like it is, and I have grown up a lot overall (just to name a few).

All of these changes have launched me into a new phase of my life, and have catapulted my counseling practice into a new and exciting space.

I was shocked to see that my blog was still getting views and love even though I was absent in tending it.  Thank you.

So… without further ado…

Back to Business!!

We meditate A LOT in group.  The way we do it combines a variety of interventions that I have taken from here and there over the years. 

I call it “Dead Man.”  This may sound morbid, but I’ve learned from experience that adding silly names to interventions makes it fun for the kids.  It is easy for them to remember.  Plus, it is pretty funny for me when they say, “Ms. Jessica!! We want to do Dead Man!!”  ALL of my clients LOVE this by the way.

We start by spreading out around the room.  I like for them to lie on a solid carpeted floor.  I have found that they do much better relaxing their bodies this way then on cushions or couches.

I walk around while they begin getting relaxed and give them each a “SQUIRT” of my magic calming lotion.  It is actually just lotion that I had made up with essential oils of lavender and peppermint.  This is inspired by a theraplay intervention with a little aromatherapy mixed in.  They take this part very seriously and they love to explain it to new members of the group.

We do not sit in a traditional seated “criss cross apple sauce” meditation pose.  Instead, I have my clients lie in savasana yoga pose (also known as Corpse Pose).  You basically lay on your back with arms and legs stretched out like a gingerbread man and your eyes are closed.  Palms are facing up.
  

This is why we call it “Dead Man.”

Source: Honolulu Yoga 

I turn off the lights, but leave the room bright enough that I can see every child for safety.  If one of them is struggling, I will sit by them and rub their hands or their temples until they relax.  Appropriate physical touch is an important part of my counseling practice.  I begin leading them in a guided meditation.  All of the medications I make up focus on taking the kids to a calm, safe place and leave plenty of room for their own interpretations of what that may look like.  After I have finished this part, I instruct them to stay in their safe place for a little while and relax or play there in their minds.  They can usually complete a full, silent medication as a group for about five minutes.  When they start getting restless I instruct them to begin waking up their bodies.  They all get up calmly and we move on to our next group activity. 

I often tie the mediation in with this week’s theme so we can easily use it as inspiration for an art project or the start of a process session. 

I know what you are thinking… The kids I work with WOULD NEVER do that!  I know.  I know.  I have done this with some VERY active children with severe trauma.  They all love it.  I think the trick is to start slow, make it special, and use LOTS of encouragement.  Like I said earlier, my clients beg me to do this often, and I allow them to teach new group members our process.  This peer modeling and interaction helps to keep this tradition going as my group population turns over.

All of my kids face tough challenges.  I love to provide a short space in their day where they can calm, center, imagine, and DREAM.

Thank you for you.  Thank you for your time.  Pass along your undivided attention and love to someone today.

-jessica

Link to Theraplay Website

Source

Breaking Out Into Song

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season.  I still don't feel fully back into the swing of things yet!

I know that I often blog about my plans for group.  Today, however, I want to talk about the importance of letting the group evolve into what it needs to be.  I always come to group with a plan, but I am also okay with the group going in a totally different direction than I anticipated.  These are often my most productive, insightful, and memorable experiences with my clients.

This week I was trying to get my kids to complete an activity to work on active listening skills.  It was just not going.  We have many play therapy items in the group room we are currently working in which can often be a distraction.  Just as I put my forehead into my hands to regroup and figure out a new plan, one of my kids started playing maracas.  Another one started on a drum, and the rest joined in clapping, slapping their legs, and rhythmically banging on things around them.  My coworker came into the room and started belting out a soulful version of "Brick house."  

**I obviously had to YouTube this while writing.  Gotta love the Commodores for a little pick me up!!**

Everyone let loose and really got into the music.  We were singing, dancing, and drumming our hearts out until we were rolling on the floor laughing.  It was definitely one of the highlights of my week!  I could have never planned that in a million years...  it was the synergy of the group.  Magical!

I hope that you have a chance to break out in song this week... no matter what you had originally planned  :) 

"Let them praise his name with dancing and make music to him with tambourine and harp." 

Psalm 149,3

Loving People Where They Are At

"Just love them where they are at."

This is a common thing you hear if you work with people, children, or if you interact with anyone else. It is a great goal to strive for, but sometimes it is more difficult than others.

The kids I work with often gauge their self-worth upon other's interactions with them.  We try very hard to help them to gain the insight and empathy to understand that other people's actions and interactions may have absolutely nothing to do with them.  You cannot control what others do, but you CAN control how you act.

We reward kindness, helping people out, encouraging others, and offering support when they recognize that one of their group members is not being themselves.

The cohesion and support system between our group members is one of the things that I am the most proud of.  I was having lunch with a few of them this week that prefer to eat together in my office than in the cafeteria (many of them get in trouble in unstructured settings so I often use this as an option when they are not feeling totally in control of their behavior).  One of the kids said, "Our group feels like a little family."  80% of my clients have a parent that is incarcerated.  90% live in a single parent home.  Offering extra structure and support in this area is beyond my expectations of what our group can provide, but somehow these resilient children produce a safe haven for each other.

I came across this video today and had to share it.  The simple premise is... just love people.  Sure, there are consequences for bad behavior, but who says that your response to someone is an efficient consequence to them?  How many times have you said something you regret that did not accomplish the goal you intended?  You feel bad, and that person just thinks you are a jerk.  If you really care about someone enough to teach them about their behavior, follow these two steps...

1. Support them and let them calm down

2. Have a teachable moment later when you are both calm and they are open to receiving the information

For Example;

"Hey Johnny, I know you were probably kidding yesterday, but you were moody and your jokes hurt my feelings.  I am sensitive about that subject.  Please do not joke about it again."

Instead of name calling towards Johnny, you are explaining how what he did effected you.  This promotes empathy, understanding, and a deepening of relationship if Johnny is able to accept this concern.  If he is not able to accept your vulnerability, he may not be ready for the depth of relationship that you are.

With this in mind, please enjoy the following video.  Happy Weekend :)

Getting children ready to go back to school

As with any upcoming change, it is important to let kids share their excitment, concerns, fears, and stories.  Outline what your children can expect this school year, and list exciting parts of the grade they are going to.

Some activities our group is doing to prepare for school....

Observations, Inferences, and Predictions derived from school themed pictures
See post here on "Picture of the Day - Activity" from Science Notebooking

5 minute meditation from "Meditations for Children and Teens"
Think Like A Great Student

Creating a Fall Bucket List
Like this one from KatieBalla Love of Life

Here are a few books that are great for going back to school, transitions, bullying, and self-esteem.  I know I have mentioned at least one of them before, but I just love all three of these.

Click here to purchase on Amazon

Click here to purchase on Amazon

Click here to purchase on Amazon

Lastly, encourage your children to read, write, get back on a schedule, and anything else that will help them to feel confident and successful in returning to school.  Take their picture the first day.  Make a special dinner or breakfast.  Celebrate this next stage in their lives with them.

One of the best ways for children to retain information is to speak about things as if the child cannot hear you.  Always speak positively about your child's teacher, school staff, school, and other authority figures.  Tell your spouse (just within earshot of your child),  "I'm so excited that Susie is going to have Ms. So-and-So for her teacher!  She was my first choice.  She will do wonderful this year in 1st Grade!"  If there is a conflict with the school, address it between the adults.  Many parents are surprised when their children have been disrespectful at school, but those same parents will look at me with their children right beside them and say negative things about their teacher, school, principal.  If you do not respect their teachers, do not be surprised when you get a phone call from the school reporting that your child does not either.

Back to school is such an exciting time.  If your child is anxious about starting a new school year, listen to their concerns.  Do not belittle or deny that the concerns are valid.  Listen, lean in, and say "can you tell me a little more about that?"  Let them talk out what they need to and use you as their support system.  Sometimes, we all just need to feel heard.

"Let the wise listen and add to their learning" Proverbs 1, 5

"Sam Feels Better Now!" Two Week Group Curriculum

"Sam Feels Better Now!" is a wonderful interactive story written by Jill Osborne.  It is perfect for a 10 day or 2 week group.  There are 8 interactive exercises in the book.  I worked with the kids on four exercises the first week, one for each day, and then reviewed on Friday.  We followed the same pattern the second week.

Activities include themes of identifying the feelings of fear internally and externally, disclosing trauma, and then rebuilding trust and safety.

Click Here to Purchase on Amazon!

On the last day, I handed out a reward certificate to each client.  They were all very excited as many of them do not regularly earn rewards at school despite them all being extremely intelligent and creative.

On a separate note, I have began incorporating a saying that I borrowed from one of the fabulous teachers I work with.  When reading she will say "You made a connection!"  She does this when they relate something in the book to a personal story, something similar they have learned, or even about the construction of a word or sentence.  I have started pointing out to clients when "You made a connection!" when they are able to apply insight or to relate the material to other areas of their lives.

A new thing that has started happening is that clients run (literally run ;) into group shouting

"Ms. Jessica!!! I made a connection today!"

They then share how they have implemented something we have been working on or that they have recognized it in others.

This small addition of a sentence has increased insight for many clients.  I am so thankful to teachers like Ms. Elmore whose compassion and creativity inspire me everyday :)

"Ascribe to the Lord, O families of nations, ascribe to the Lord glory and strength, ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name."  1 Chronicles, 16:28-29

My Power Switch!
Addressing Anxiety and Trauma Reactions

In group last week we discussed what it is like to be flooded with emotion, how to express this, and then how to "Turn our switch OFF."

First, we read a wonderful book called Please Explain "Anxiety" To Me!

Please click on the following link to see the article written based on the material here in The Digital Journal, "Therapy for Kids -- Turning the Power Switch On"

It takes children (and parents) through the flight, fight, and freeze model.  It helps kids to share and discuss the feeling of being overtaken by their emotions through their sympathetic nervous systems.  This is often a difficult experience to explain, but this book makes it simple and relatable.

Click Here to Purchase Through Amazon

We then used BioDots to show our level of anxiety before and after calming skills.  We completed a different calming skill each day including deep breathing, yoga, meditation, playing outside, and talking to a friend.

Click Here to Purchase Through Amazon

Lastly, on Friday I introduced a new activity.  Instead of the Brown Grab Bags, we used Story Cubes.  The kids LOVED these!  They have also been very successful in individual therapy this week, and they are super compact for site-based work.

So much fun!

Client Here to Purchase Through Amazon

Such an exciting week.  The children not only were able to realize when their switch was on, but noticed it in others as well!  Building empathy is a huge hurdle for many children, and this theme opened this door for many group members.  It helped parents to relate to what it is like for their children to be flooded with emotion.  We will definitely be repeating this week's material very soon.  Our "Power Switch" has become a staple in our group vocabulary.

"Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress.  He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed.  They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven.  Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men."
Psalm 107, 28-31

The Whole Brain Child

This is a fabulous book for therapists, parents, teachers, and anyone that works with kids.  I went to a training a few weeks ago, and this was one of the many books I added to my reading list.  It is great to help adults understand children's needs when they become upset as well as how to meet them.  It also has a lot of useful information on how to build a child's emotional intelligence.  It is very user friendly and easy to read.

After reading it, I created a five day group curriculum to help share some of the age-appropriate information with my group.  Please email me for the full powerpoint.

 

Friday was a review day.  Clients shared ways that the information has impacted them this week, and questions that this new information generated.  We set the stage of this being a science oriented theme.  This helped keep their attention and to help them think about the material in a constructive way.

It is very empowering and exciting for children to gain understanding to how their brain works.

"For you have been my hope, O Sovereign Lord, my confidence since my youth." Psalm 71, 5

No More Nightmares

This Haiku Deck Slideshow is based on research on this topic as well as healthy suggestions to improve sleep patterns and behavior.  It is intended for children with PTSD symptoms, disturbances of sleep, chaotic home lives, and nightmares.  Please consider you audience and consult a professional before applying all material here.

I have always been a Lucid Dreamer so this information is comfortable for me to talk about.  This three day group curriculum lead to 4 of my 11 clients sharing stories of lucid dreaming to overcome recurring nightmares.  Sure, kids always have a chance to embellish their stories or want to please, but even the fact that they would understand the concept enough to do that is impressive.  Either way, all of the children reported "no nightmares" since the start of this program.

They also have begun using their dream journals as a unique and personal point of reference for writing and art.

Lastly, some of this is just my opinion and experience.  The point isn't to be perfectly empirically supported.  The point is for children to build a safe place physically and emotionally to give them the best chance of having a good night's rest.  As we all know, a good night's sleep can make all the difference!

Also, it inspired me to paint my bedroom purple :)

Enjoy...

If you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.
Proverbs 3, 24

Apps I Cannot Live Without

I use my iPad as my laptop.  It is extremely convenient, user friendly, and has internet everywhere.  It makes my life so much easier as I travel from location to location for work.  I can complete my documentation anywhere.  I sure used it on the long car trips this holiday season!

I love the app store.  I love it almost as much as I like Pinterest!  Here are my top apps for 2012. Enjoy :)

Professional
Numbers (Like Excel for Mac)
Decibel 10th (Reads decibles.  So I can reward my group if they keep the noise "below the red")
30/30 (Time tracker... can set alarms at different intervals for different activites.  Perfect for groups, classrooms, or cleaning the house)
Haiku Deck (Free slide creator for presentations.  Beautiful and easy)
Evernote (Allows your to add photos, voiceover, and text to notes as well as store them in journals)
Skitch (Allows you to add arrows, text, and draw on pictures.  Syncs with Evernote)
Docusign (Attach your actual signiture to any document)
You Tube

Personal
Holy Bible
iHeart Radio
iBooks
Kindle
UnStuck (Enter some information about a problem you are facing and it will help you to become "UnStuck"
Treat Cards (Create and mail actual custom cards with from your device.  Birthday reminders)
Find iPhone
Score Center
Facebook
Pinterest
eBay
Zillow (Real estate tracker)
Big Oven (Enter the ingredients in your pantry and it will give you recipes with those items)

Calming
Art Circles (Browse art by collection.  Fun interface)
Fluidity (Relaxing lava lamp like background)
Fluid (Water movement background)

Games
The Room (1 person puzzle game)
Blokus HD (2-4 person puzzle game)
Stack the States (State trivia)
Wheel HD (Wheel of Fortune)
Trivial Persuit
Pictureka
Train Conduct (1 person very fun and complicated, time-sensitive, train conductor game)
Train Conduct 2, USA (Version 2)
Towers hd (1 person puzzle game)
Magic Piano (Become a concert pianist by the time it takes to download this app)

Art
Paper

For my 2 year old
LunchBox (Puzzles, colors, big/small)
Playtales (Interactive books)
eflash English (#1 app for growing vocabulary.  We started this at 12 months)
eflash Spanish Cards (Same for spanish vocab)
eflash2 Spanish (Dito)
Mickey Mouse Road Ralley (Not really educational.  My son just loves Mickey)
Potty Time (Very fun and efficient potty training app.  Reward system.  Can call "Rachel" when he goes in the potty.  Also potty songs and books)
Letter School (Practice learning letters, sounds, and what words start with what letters)

I know this post is a little off the beaten path for me, but it is inspired by two of my friends that received an iPad for Christmas.  They wanted a list of my favorite apps, so here ya go girls!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Y'all!

"For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."
Isaiah 9:6

"When they saw the star, they rejoiced exceedingly with great joy."
Matthew 2:10

Travel Play Therapy and Sand Tray Bag

I travel from school to school with a rolling tote bag.  It contains all of my materials for play therapy and sand tray therapy.  I am lucky that all of my schools allow me to keep my actual sand tray in my room so I only have to transport the miniatures and accessories.  I used one of the 40% off coupons online to purchase this bag from Hobby Lobby.  The bag was made for scrap booking, but it meets my needs for play therapy perfectly.  Plus, it is cute!

My travel tote bag includes the following items (and yes... they all fit!)...

Dress up that boys and girls are interested in
Sand tray miniatures and accessories
Puppets
Sensory and calming objects
Kanoodle, my all time favorite puzzle game)
Slinky
2 PlayStation Controllers
Tennis Balls
Stress Balls
Cell Phone
Playing Cards
Sheet
Masking Tape
Art Supplies
Construction Paper
Pipe Cleaners
Flash Light
Band-Aids
Genotoons
Baby, Bottle, and Swaddle
Super Soft Teddy
2 Swords and Shields
Magic Princess Wand
Wizard Wand
Stickers
Realistic Medical Kit
Play-Doh
Bendable Family (Multicultural)
Trucks/Cars/Planes
Army Men
Toothbrush

Even though I travel, I try and set up the items with as much consistency and organization as possible.

Sing to him a new song; play skillfully, and shout for joy. Psalm 33, 3

The Importance of Nutrition

More and more kids are being diagnosed with ADHD and related symptoms.  This is also a common secondary diagnosis to trauma-related and genetically-influenced diagnoses.  I have always said that if someone suggested medication to treat hyperactivity, inattention, or impulsivity that I would try everything before medication for my child.  I work with many parents that feel the same way.  Counseling is an important step in this process.  Nutrition is another factor to consider.

How we eat is and important part of our culture.  It is our "comfort food."  It is Thanksgiving Dinner.

However, do you know how much sugar and caffeine your child ingests every day?

Sugar = Sugar
High Fructose Corn Syrup = Sugar
Carbs = Sugar (once in the body)

"Fake Sugar" contains many concerning chemicals (look up aspartame)

Dyes in Food are a common allergen that may be linked to ADHD and Autism

A few weeks ago, I sat across the visitor's table in a local school cafeteria from a mother and her two children.  She introduced herself and her two year old daughter before her third grade son came to sit with them.  She opened up her soft drink and poured half of it into her two year old daughter's sippy cup.  Later during the meal, I heard the 3rd grader ask his mother, "What are those red things?"  He was pointing to three tomatoes on top of his side salad.  He only chose to eat his pudding and chocolate milk.

I will be the first to admit that I am not a perfectly healthy person, but I certainly am very involved in what my two year old son consumes.  Since he started eating solid foods, I have had a little voice of guilt in my head.  Why feed your son healthy meals and not his mother?  Why would I expect him to eat fruits and vegetables daily and not hold myself to the same standard?  It is this constant, annoying need to "walk the walk."  We still make mistakes, but as a whole our family tries to align with the "Living Clean Diet."  It basically encourages eating real food, organic and local when available.  We cook mostly everything ourselves from ingredients that we can understand.  We try to be aware of how many products contain sugar so that we can avoid them (except for moments of weakness... Thanksgiving dessert!).

So what does all of this have to do with my blog?  That nagging feeling has been bugging me lately about the after-school snacks that we give to our group clients.  They are donated by a local business, and we are grateful for this generosity.  However, I would not feed my son the same snacks.

That is my line.

I try and provide services that I would expect others to provide for my child.

We have 20 school days until Christmas break.  During this time I will ensure that my group has a healthy snack that I would be proud to serve my family.  We have a budget of around $10/week so I will have to be creative (and may have to throw in a few bucks of my own) to make it work.  My hopeful self will be looking for improved attention span, attitude, and compliance among children during group therapy.

Some of the snacks will include: Apples, Bananas, Grapes, Celery with Real Peanut Butter, Dried Fruit, Brown Rice Cakes, Unsweetened Apple Sauce, Carrots, Green Bell Pepper Slices, Cucumber, Oranges, Peaches, Plums, Cantaloupe, and Edamame.

Worst case scenario... provide a few vitamins during the sugar-coated holiday season.  My other fear is that the kids will refuse the snacks and be upset with the change.

Whatever happens, it is sure to be interesting.  Here's to good health for all!

Genesis 1:30
And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air and all the creatures that move on the ground --- everything that has the breath of life in it --- I give every green plant for food.  And it was so.

"I Need to Initiate a Crisis"

I knew this was coming.  I felt the calm before the storm.  In the past few weeks, two clients have come to me that are going to be extremely challenging and will need all of the resources that our team can offer.  I have spent the past week completing trainings, reading everything relevant I can find, consulting, studying, putting together material for my team, purchasing tools, and preparing myself for how these next couple of months are going to unfold.

In grad school I learned something very valuable from one of my instructors.  I had a client during my first semester of practicum that was rebellious, resistant, unmotivated, verbally disrespectful, aggressive, and not interested in applying any change to his life.  He was court-ordered to attend our sessions and unwilling to participate or interact with me.  I struggled through this for two sessions before bringing it to my supervisor and mentor.  I was hopeful that she would recommend that he be transferred to another student.

She told me that this would be the client that would transform me into the therapist that I needed to be.  She said that not every client will work with every clinician, but that every clinician should be able to work with every client.  She said that I needed to "get creative and adjust."  

She nick-named the client "Tony Hawk" and his treatment was indeed transformative for us both.  There are classrooms behind the two-way mirrors in our university clinic that allowed other students, supervisors, and professors to observe sessions.  As I moved from practicum student to intern, this client became a very popular client on the schedule.  By the time he graduated from the program, we had a packed house in the classroom and everyone was rooting for "Tony" and I.

I had found my rock star moment.  It is being able to adapt to serve the needs of my clients even when we are worlds apart.

In the past 12 months I have been feeling somewhat complacent and comfortable in my practice.  I have not had any crisis issues at work that were new or different.  My mind has become busy with paperwork, regulations, acquiring the right therapy tools, and planning my groups.  In the middle of September, I was noticing that I had not had a "Tony Hawk" in a while.  I had a moment of appreciating the calm, but I understood that this moment would be short-lived.

I was hungry for my next challenge.  In the next few months I will be frustrated by the lack of peace, but then I must remember that in the calm I desired adventure.

I was going to blog this week about some of my new tools and trainings.  I plan on doing that, but I felt like there needed to be a bridge to explain the shift in focus.  To my teammate and friend, Elaine, thank you for putting up with me.  I love and respect you so much.

"We continually remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, you labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ."
1 Thessalonians 1:3

A different kind of iMessage

One of the first questions brought up by parents of the children I work with is "What is this iMessage about?"  An iMessage is one of the most basic skills that I teach to children to express their emotions.  It is a beautiful tool that works well with almost all children in any environment.  The basic construct is:

I feel _________________ when you ____________________ .

For example...

I feel hurt when you call me names.

I feel sad when you push me.

I feel lonely when you do not let me sit with you at lunch.

I feel happy when we play together.

I feel loved when you give me a hug, mommy.

I feel special when you smile.

This simple message is very powerful.  It helps kids to give words to their emotions.  It points out cause and effect.  It prevents back and forth name calling.  It prevents power struggle between children and adults.  It helps adults understand how a child is feeling so that they can help.  The first thing I ask children when they bring a conflict to me is "Did you use your iMessage?"  Their faces usually go from angry to thoughtful.  This is followed by an expression of need and often an apology.

"Tattling" is a common complaint about children that struggle with impulsivity.  The general rule I lay out is:

1-2-Step!

Use your iMessage twice and then take it up with a safe adult.  1-2-Step.  Once the issue has been reported, the 1-2-Step starts over again.  This helps children be deliberate with their iMessage, and it improves understanding how much to involve their teacher or parent.

For group this week we are going to work on "Rock Problems and Play-Doh Problems"

Rock problems are stable and unable to be changed or manipulated.

Play-Doh Problems can be changed, formed, shaped, and shared.

Pinterest Link to this Activity

Expressing emotions with Play-Dh and Googly Eyes.  I have used this activity many times in the past and the kids love it.  It is great for teaching iMessage as well.

Pinterest Link to this Activity

For the next activity, I'm going to ask the group to write the Positive Rock issues on one hand and their Rock Challenges on the other.  We will cut them out to reveal the heart in the middle.  I will give them Play-Doh to fill in their heart and discuss how our perspective CAN effect our Rock Problems.

http://krokotak.com/

A fun fall activity thrown in!  Sometimes it is nice to bring out an art project and just throw out questions and conversation starters that are relevant to this week's topic.  I really enjoy asking children how the skills they are learning are positively impacting their lives.  I encourage them to share ways that they are utilizing the material at school and at home.  An unrelated art project helps the conversation to feel very natural and client led.

www.artfulparent.com

The WorryWoos Books by Andi Green are probably my favorite line of books for therapy with kids.  The watercolor pictures are inspiring, and it plays to my alice and wonderland whimsical obsession.  "The Lonely Little Monster" is a perfect book for this week's theme.  Nola feels completely trapped and isolated by what could be called her "Rock Problems."  She is able to change her world in the end by changing her perspective (her Play-Doh Power!).  These books are so well written and illustrated.  I cannot say enough positive things about them and the role they have played in my client's lives.  

http://www.worrywoos.com/

The website also has a coloring sheet for each book.   

WorryWoo Coloring Pages

On Friday we will do the review bags again.  They have been working great, and the kids are being more and more creative with their stories.  I hand out a bag filled with random objects to each small group.  They create and share a story with the items given that is relevant to this week's them.  Some of the kids like to act out their stories, which I love.  I have such a wonderful and brilliant group of children right now, and this activity gives them an opportunity to let their creativity and teamwork shine!

www.apartmenttherapy.com

The word "wisdom" was brought to me three times this week.  All three times it was in the context of leading a Godly Life over knowledge.  I love a planned coincidence, and I am open to how this lesson is unfolding in my life.  Thank you to those messengers this week as they bring so much more than friendship.

"Buy the truth and do not sell it; get wisdom, discipline, and understanding."

Proverbs 23, 23

Impulse Control Week

So I haven't blogged in a few weeks... not because I have been busy, but because I have been caught up!  I have been resting a little, but it is time to get back on the horse :)

This week we are doing impulse control strategies.  We started today with a rap about impulse control and taking a breath so that we can stop and think.

We created stop signs for our desks at school.  On one side they say "Stop and Think" and on the other they have a list of our impulse control skills.

Lastly we read and discussed the book "Whole Body Listening Larry at School."

The most important part on the list according the the group today was "Heart- Caring about what the other person is saying."  Children and adults with impulse-control symptoms and related diagnoses often struggle with relationships.  Peers and authority figures do not feel attended to, heard, or respected.  We practiced our non-verbal communication skills that demonstrated exactly that.

Throughout the week we will complete the following activities...

Freeze Bowl

Some Helpful activities from Kids at Thought

http://kidsatthought.com/2010/05/27/2-very-simple-activities-to-help-children-learn-impulse-control/

Two More Wonderful Books

Lastly, a Final Friday activity that I am really excited to add.  I may start using it as my review every Friday.  It is from Apartment Therapy that I found via Pinterest.

http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/rainy-day-boredom-buster-diy-s-160311

You put random things in three different bags and allow the children to create a story with them.  I am going to adapt this to our weekly theme by asking clients to create a story that demonstrate our weekly theme.  We will split up into small groups, create a story that contains at least 2 impulse control skills, and share or act out our creations with the group.

This seems like a lot of material for one week... but if it rolls into next week I can live with that :)

Have a great week! God bless!!

Proverbs 22, 6: 
"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."

Resilience... Letting Your Light SHINE!

2 Week Resilience Curriculum for Group Therapy

Week 1: Understanding

Monday
Define...

Introduce this week's theme, define resilience, talk about events that clients have had to overcome, and things they are dealing with today.  Discuss resilience as an adjective and how people, places, and things can all be resilient.

We will be using a lot of light inspired activities to encourage "Letting your light SHINE!"  Today we will introduce the light table and allow clients to manipulate the light through color.  After everyone has a turn we will tie this in to how we can use our light to manipulate our emotions, reactions, and level of "calm and happy."

Picture Credits:
http://pinterest.com/pin/11540542766428992/
http://pinterest.com/pin/11540542766429013/
http://www.teachpreschool.org/2011/11/exploring-the-light-table-in-preschool/

Tuesday
Fair vs. Equal

Explain fair versus equal, how each person is given their own unique set of challenges, and how they can overcome these.  Looking inside to overcome instead outside to compare and develop resentment and anger.  Then watch a short YouTube video that further explains this idea...

Fair vs Equal Resiliency Video

Picture Credit:
http://msfultz.blogspot.com/

Wednesday and Thursday
Cinematherapy activity.  If you and your children/students/clients have not seen this video... you need to!  It is such a great movie, and has themes of resilience!

Friday
Review and take the Resiliency Quiz!

How resilient are you? QUIZ

WEEK 2: Application of Knowledge

Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday
Craft project of creating lanterns.  My lovely MHPP (and partner in crime) had the idea of adding battery powered lights to each so that we would have hanging luminaries in the group room.  We will really get into processing trials that clients have and are currently facing.  We will work together as a group to support each other and apply interventions to build resiliency.  The finished project will be an opportunity to "Let our Light Shine" when things seem difficult and overwhelming.

Balloon Tutorial

Thursday
Read "Pete the Cat, I Love My White Shoes" and tie it in with our resiliency theme!

Here’s a synopsis of the story...

I purchased it for my iPad so I can also share it with my individual clients who are not in my group.  I love the interactive features!!

Friday
Review and Reward.  Reward, Reward, Reward!  My favorite part of reviewing is hearing how clients are implementing skills into their daily lives and the impact it is having on them and those around them :)

Related Reading...

All of these books are available on www.amazon.com .

This was such a fun theme to research and brings out so much positive in the kids.  I can't wait to see what parts are their favorites and how they respond to the curriculum!

"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."
Romans 5, 3-4