Loving People Where They Are At

"Just love them where they are at."

This is a common thing you hear if you work with people, children, or if you interact with anyone else. It is a great goal to strive for, but sometimes it is more difficult than others.

The kids I work with often gauge their self-worth upon other's interactions with them.  We try very hard to help them to gain the insight and empathy to understand that other people's actions and interactions may have absolutely nothing to do with them.  You cannot control what others do, but you CAN control how you act.

We reward kindness, helping people out, encouraging others, and offering support when they recognize that one of their group members is not being themselves.

The cohesion and support system between our group members is one of the things that I am the most proud of.  I was having lunch with a few of them this week that prefer to eat together in my office than in the cafeteria (many of them get in trouble in unstructured settings so I often use this as an option when they are not feeling totally in control of their behavior).  One of the kids said, "Our group feels like a little family."  80% of my clients have a parent that is incarcerated.  90% live in a single parent home.  Offering extra structure and support in this area is beyond my expectations of what our group can provide, but somehow these resilient children produce a safe haven for each other.

I came across this video today and had to share it.  The simple premise is... just love people.  Sure, there are consequences for bad behavior, but who says that your response to someone is an efficient consequence to them?  How many times have you said something you regret that did not accomplish the goal you intended?  You feel bad, and that person just thinks you are a jerk.  If you really care about someone enough to teach them about their behavior, follow these two steps...

1. Support them and let them calm down

2. Have a teachable moment later when you are both calm and they are open to receiving the information

For Example;

"Hey Johnny, I know you were probably kidding yesterday, but you were moody and your jokes hurt my feelings.  I am sensitive about that subject.  Please do not joke about it again."

Instead of name calling towards Johnny, you are explaining how what he did effected you.  This promotes empathy, understanding, and a deepening of relationship if Johnny is able to accept this concern.  If he is not able to accept your vulnerability, he may not be ready for the depth of relationship that you are.

With this in mind, please enjoy the following video.  Happy Weekend :)

Getting children ready to go back to school

As with any upcoming change, it is important to let kids share their excitment, concerns, fears, and stories.  Outline what your children can expect this school year, and list exciting parts of the grade they are going to.

Some activities our group is doing to prepare for school....

Observations, Inferences, and Predictions derived from school themed pictures
See post here on "Picture of the Day - Activity" from Science Notebooking

5 minute meditation from "Meditations for Children and Teens"
Think Like A Great Student

Creating a Fall Bucket List
Like this one from KatieBalla Love of Life

Here are a few books that are great for going back to school, transitions, bullying, and self-esteem.  I know I have mentioned at least one of them before, but I just love all three of these.

Click here to purchase on Amazon

Click here to purchase on Amazon

Click here to purchase on Amazon

Lastly, encourage your children to read, write, get back on a schedule, and anything else that will help them to feel confident and successful in returning to school.  Take their picture the first day.  Make a special dinner or breakfast.  Celebrate this next stage in their lives with them.

One of the best ways for children to retain information is to speak about things as if the child cannot hear you.  Always speak positively about your child's teacher, school staff, school, and other authority figures.  Tell your spouse (just within earshot of your child),  "I'm so excited that Susie is going to have Ms. So-and-So for her teacher!  She was my first choice.  She will do wonderful this year in 1st Grade!"  If there is a conflict with the school, address it between the adults.  Many parents are surprised when their children have been disrespectful at school, but those same parents will look at me with their children right beside them and say negative things about their teacher, school, principal.  If you do not respect their teachers, do not be surprised when you get a phone call from the school reporting that your child does not either.

Back to school is such an exciting time.  If your child is anxious about starting a new school year, listen to their concerns.  Do not belittle or deny that the concerns are valid.  Listen, lean in, and say "can you tell me a little more about that?"  Let them talk out what they need to and use you as their support system.  Sometimes, we all just need to feel heard.

"Let the wise listen and add to their learning" Proverbs 1, 5

"Sam Feels Better Now!" Two Week Group Curriculum

"Sam Feels Better Now!" is a wonderful interactive story written by Jill Osborne.  It is perfect for a 10 day or 2 week group.  There are 8 interactive exercises in the book.  I worked with the kids on four exercises the first week, one for each day, and then reviewed on Friday.  We followed the same pattern the second week.

Activities include themes of identifying the feelings of fear internally and externally, disclosing trauma, and then rebuilding trust and safety.

Click Here to Purchase on Amazon!

On the last day, I handed out a reward certificate to each client.  They were all very excited as many of them do not regularly earn rewards at school despite them all being extremely intelligent and creative.

On a separate note, I have began incorporating a saying that I borrowed from one of the fabulous teachers I work with.  When reading she will say "You made a connection!"  She does this when they relate something in the book to a personal story, something similar they have learned, or even about the construction of a word or sentence.  I have started pointing out to clients when "You made a connection!" when they are able to apply insight or to relate the material to other areas of their lives.

A new thing that has started happening is that clients run (literally run ;) into group shouting

"Ms. Jessica!!! I made a connection today!"

They then share how they have implemented something we have been working on or that they have recognized it in others.

This small addition of a sentence has increased insight for many clients.  I am so thankful to teachers like Ms. Elmore whose compassion and creativity inspire me everyday :)

"Ascribe to the Lord, O families of nations, ascribe to the Lord glory and strength, ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name."  1 Chronicles, 16:28-29

My Power Switch!
Addressing Anxiety and Trauma Reactions

In group last week we discussed what it is like to be flooded with emotion, how to express this, and then how to "Turn our switch OFF."

First, we read a wonderful book called Please Explain "Anxiety" To Me!

Please click on the following link to see the article written based on the material here in The Digital Journal, "Therapy for Kids -- Turning the Power Switch On"

It takes children (and parents) through the flight, fight, and freeze model.  It helps kids to share and discuss the feeling of being overtaken by their emotions through their sympathetic nervous systems.  This is often a difficult experience to explain, but this book makes it simple and relatable.

Click Here to Purchase Through Amazon

We then used BioDots to show our level of anxiety before and after calming skills.  We completed a different calming skill each day including deep breathing, yoga, meditation, playing outside, and talking to a friend.

Click Here to Purchase Through Amazon

Lastly, on Friday I introduced a new activity.  Instead of the Brown Grab Bags, we used Story Cubes.  The kids LOVED these!  They have also been very successful in individual therapy this week, and they are super compact for site-based work.

So much fun!

Client Here to Purchase Through Amazon

Such an exciting week.  The children not only were able to realize when their switch was on, but noticed it in others as well!  Building empathy is a huge hurdle for many children, and this theme opened this door for many group members.  It helped parents to relate to what it is like for their children to be flooded with emotion.  We will definitely be repeating this week's material very soon.  Our "Power Switch" has become a staple in our group vocabulary.

"Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress.  He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed.  They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven.  Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men."
Psalm 107, 28-31

The Whole Brain Child

This is a fabulous book for therapists, parents, teachers, and anyone that works with kids.  I went to a training a few weeks ago, and this was one of the many books I added to my reading list.  It is great to help adults understand children's needs when they become upset as well as how to meet them.  It also has a lot of useful information on how to build a child's emotional intelligence.  It is very user friendly and easy to read.

After reading it, I created a five day group curriculum to help share some of the age-appropriate information with my group.  Please email me for the full powerpoint.

 

Friday was a review day.  Clients shared ways that the information has impacted them this week, and questions that this new information generated.  We set the stage of this being a science oriented theme.  This helped keep their attention and to help them think about the material in a constructive way.

It is very empowering and exciting for children to gain understanding to how their brain works.

"For you have been my hope, O Sovereign Lord, my confidence since my youth." Psalm 71, 5

No More Nightmares

This Haiku Deck Slideshow is based on research on this topic as well as healthy suggestions to improve sleep patterns and behavior.  It is intended for children with PTSD symptoms, disturbances of sleep, chaotic home lives, and nightmares.  Please consider you audience and consult a professional before applying all material here.

I have always been a Lucid Dreamer so this information is comfortable for me to talk about.  This three day group curriculum lead to 4 of my 11 clients sharing stories of lucid dreaming to overcome recurring nightmares.  Sure, kids always have a chance to embellish their stories or want to please, but even the fact that they would understand the concept enough to do that is impressive.  Either way, all of the children reported "no nightmares" since the start of this program.

They also have begun using their dream journals as a unique and personal point of reference for writing and art.

Lastly, some of this is just my opinion and experience.  The point isn't to be perfectly empirically supported.  The point is for children to build a safe place physically and emotionally to give them the best chance of having a good night's rest.  As we all know, a good night's sleep can make all the difference!

Also, it inspired me to paint my bedroom purple :)

Enjoy...

If you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.
Proverbs 3, 24