This is a common thing you hear if you work with people, children, or if you interact with anyone else. It is a great goal to strive for, but sometimes it is more difficult than others.
The kids I work with often gauge their self-worth upon other's interactions with them. We try very hard to help them to gain the insight and empathy to understand that other people's actions and interactions may have absolutely nothing to do with them. You cannot control what others do, but you CAN control how you act.
We reward kindness, helping people out, encouraging others, and offering support when they recognize that one of their group members is not being themselves.
The cohesion and support system between our group members is one of the things that I am the most proud of. I was having lunch with a few of them this week that prefer to eat together in my office than in the cafeteria (many of them get in trouble in unstructured settings so I often use this as an option when they are not feeling totally in control of their behavior). One of the kids said, "Our group feels like a little family." 80% of my clients have a parent that is incarcerated. 90% live in a single parent home. Offering extra structure and support in this area is beyond my expectations of what our group can provide, but somehow these resilient children produce a safe haven for each other.
I came across this video today and had to share it. The simple premise is... just love people. Sure, there are consequences for bad behavior, but who says that your response to someone is an efficient consequence to them? How many times have you said something you regret that did not accomplish the goal you intended? You feel bad, and that person just thinks you are a jerk. If you really care about someone enough to teach them about their behavior, follow these two steps...
1. Support them and let them calm down
2. Have a teachable moment later when you are both calm and they are open to receiving the information
For Example;
"Hey Johnny, I know you were probably kidding yesterday, but you were moody and your jokes hurt my feelings. I am sensitive about that subject. Please do not joke about it again."
Instead of name calling towards Johnny, you are explaining how what he did effected you. This promotes empathy, understanding, and a deepening of relationship if Johnny is able to accept this concern. If he is not able to accept your vulnerability, he may not be ready for the depth of relationship that you are.
With this in mind, please enjoy the following video. Happy Weekend :)
